I had a realization, as I was standing shoulder to shoulder with the other bridesmaids, waiting for the beautiful bride to walk down the aisle. I looked into the crowd, and saw my aunt, who lost her husband (my uncle), and my grandma #2 (my grandpa's wife) who lost my grandpa, both within one month of each other. It hit me, as we sit here as a family, celebrating life, and love - there is an emptiness that will always invade our hearts, regardless of the occasion.
It was truly bittersweet.
I have mentioned before that the past two years, have been a turning point for me, in the way I perceive life. Gavin has played a role in that, and the grief in my heart for those I love and miss, play a role in that.
Thanks to some things that have happened, I have so much peace now! It's taking me some time to get to this place. I thought I knew the "big picture", but now I feel I understand it. People utilize so much of our precious time that we are given to live our life as a human being, on such irrational, and insignificant things. I know we all have our own path, but things are so much clearer to me.
To call life a series of processes, is an understatement.
My life is at peace, even though I have sadness in my heart. I am learning to be able to compartmentalize those feelings, and that is thanks to so many things. My relationship with family members have become stronger, and some relationships, I choose not to be as close to anymore. Albeit, family, friends, acquaintances. I put energy into positive people and those who I have learned to trust with all my heart. I often wonder how people can carry on their life with judgement, and criticism, and I wonder how happy they really are? Thatsanotherstory.
Those moments, like the sadness I had for my aunt, and my grandma #2, is a moment that is life. It is what we are now. I have learned to appreciate it, as it is a recognition of those who are no longer with us. I have learned to appreciate those who are living, just as much, as well. Working on myself, so that I am a better person to those who I love and cherish with my whole heart, is a life long process, that I am so thankful to do, because I am here.
Fighting the tears as my heart broke for my uncle and my grandpa who were not there to watch my cousin walk down the aisle, was difficult. Realizing they will always be here with us, and they are a piece of us, carrying on their legacy; was easy.