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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My birthday angel

Have you ever had a moment that has literally taken your breath away? Your breathing is actually haulted because you are trying to process a moment that you can't begin to conceive? Words you can't begin to believe?

I have, this year.

Have you ever had a moment when you felt so defeated, because you can't fix something, you can't make it better?

I have, this year.

Have you ever felt so much gratitude from others that your attitude towards mankind and the sincerity of good-hearted people, has changed?

I have. It happened this year.

Has your passion for a cause actually take over and drive you towards an unknown destination, because the journey and impact is worth it?

We have experienced this... this year.

Have you been so saddened that the depth of your heart truly aches. Your body actually hurts and the sound of your cry is different than any other type of cry that you have experienced?

I have, this year.

Have you ever felt grateful for something that has happened to your child, as sad as it is, because you know other parents are holding onto the last living moments with their child?

I have, this year.

I have questioned everything, and at the same time relinquished all my questions to someone who has the answers. My faith, my heart, my soul has been changed.
I am a different person and changed for the better, all because of a little boy.

All in one year.

20 months ago, I was ecstatic to learn I was pregnant with you.
18 months ago, I was distraught, I sat in the ER thinking I lost you.
16 months ago, I was worried and hope to one day just hold you.
12 months ago, I was blessed to have you.
9 months ago, I mourned a part of you.
Today, I am thankful for you.

My promise remains as it was the day you were born. I will love you, guide you and help you become the best person you can be. I also promise to enjoy every single moment we have together, and make you smile and laugh. I will teach you not to allow someone else to narrow your soul by making you be unkind to the world, when the world is unkind to you.

It's the least I can do, monkey. I can never repay you for what you have done for me.

I am on this roller coaster sitting beside you in the front seat with your daddy and your brother. Our entire family joined our ride and took a seat, and I can't wait for the next turn...

Happy first Birthday Gavin.

I am so proud to have you, and even luckier to be your mommy.

I love you more than you could ever imagine.

And then some more.


  1. This is such a beautiful post! My son is going to be 1 on Oct 1st and we call him monkey also. Your Gavin is so lucky to have such a sweet loving mommy!!

  2. What a great post! I can't believe he is 1 years old already :( How fast time flies.

  3. Thanks guys. Gavin turns 1 on Oct. 2nd. Amber, our 'monkeys' are a day apart. ;) It truly is sad how quickly the years pass....

  4. Jen what a beautiful post! You are one blessed mama! Like I told you before God knew just how to pair you two up:)

  5. oh and Happy Birthday Gavin! Love, The Ryan's

  6. Happy birthday, Gavin! I'm walking for you in Memphis on October 17th. Team Darediva is thinking about you, Monkey Man!

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