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Thursday, March 3, 2011

Say it isn’t snow

Taking advantage of a 4 day weekend is always a good thing. 

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A long weekend in the snow is a change of scenery for sure!

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It was Gavin’s first experience with snow.  That’s the great thing about living where we live… you are a short 40 min drive up the mountains to the snow, or a 40 minute drive to the beach. 

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We had the “snow turning to ice snow” when we got there.  Then that night, we got a foot of snow, and had the “snow soft as baby powder, can barely feel it in your hand” snow.”

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The boys had a blast, of course snow ball fights and snow wrestling were hits.  Gavin wasn’t too interested.  He felt the snow, and wanted to go back inside to the play with the “dabinets” (cabinets).

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Our cabin is surrounded by windows, and it is set deep inside the woods.  You have trees completely surrounding you – it’s so pretty.  I would be lying if I said that waking up to this

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…didn’t make me weep like a baby.  All those feelings I keep under wraps, always surface when the beauty of nature hits me. 

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These are things that I will have to learn to try my very best to explain to Gavin.  He can feel snow, but how can I convey the beauty of the white blanket that covers the mountains?  Waking up and glancing out our bedroom window to a white wonder – made me cry. 

And cry.  And cry. 

Troy walked in, and it’s these moments he doesn’t even have to ask why I’m crying.  He knows, because he feels it.. and I can see his eyes well for the same thing.

Gavin is as happy as can be, he knows no different.  But I ache, cry, and am sad for my son’s inability to visually see the majestic beauty of our world.

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I’m so glad we opted out of a Disney weekend, for this.  We spend 3 days every year at Disneyland – since we have season passes, it’s not that expensive.  It’s a little escape for us, and it’s nearby.  We do it in October (not because it’s my favorite month – and am obsessed with Halloween or anything), but I have been hearing it from Landon that we skipped this past October.  I’m glad they were all in for a snow trip instead.

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It was, as always, a happy-yet-bittersweet-weekend all in one.  These moments come and go, all day.  It’s never not on my mind, but I don’t allow it to occupy all my thoughts.  We have so many reasons to be so grateful for our children, life and Gavin’s ability to feel our love.

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But I would be lying, if I did not tell you that my sadness for Gavin is ever present is our lives.  The darkness he lives in, day and night.  The snow, the sunsets, the trees and the ocean are all reminders. 

And again, I find peace in the quote:

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.”

And we move forward….with our hearts full of love, because there is so much to be grateful for.

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Like Gavin “honking” his dads nose when he holds him.

7 comments:

  1. Thank u for sharing Jenn. I love to read these. I love u guys! :) Summer

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  2. That is a great post. We know exactly how you feel. It is not fair that children who cannot see cannot share the same beauty.

    I am glad we have each other to lift each other up when we are down.

    xo,
    Jen

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  3. I know the "pit of your stomach sadness" all too well. I still feel it for my grown son with LCA; who was born completely blind.

    The sadness will never, ever cease. We are parents and we mourn for our children's vision. I am mourning with you, right now.

    May God Bless you and your family, and your precious Gavin.
    - Cindy, mom to Joseph

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  4. I started wondering where you were!!! Yeah for a blog post. This is wonderfully said, Jenn.

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  5. Love it!!! :) Mindi

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  6. Gosh, this made me cry, Jennifer. :( I love it and am so sad all at the same time. I love your spirit. In God's due time, he will see the wonders.

    Praying in Texas ~ Maria and Family

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  7. Thank you for sharing your inner thoughts and trials, it is so brave of you and makes us want to fight all the more to make Gavin able to see, and make you stop having to cry for him... :-)

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